You might have an allergic reaction. What if you need to go to rehab? What if you die! I would actually like you to stay around for a bit. But that’s not what I said. Instead I said, “Oh, wow, cool, um, when?” I couldn’t think of anything else.
Then they told me it might be fake, flour or something, but they were still going to try it. This made my fears worse. If it was fake then what was it? Maybe it wasn’t cocaine, or flour, but something else. This thought never entered their minds.
I tried to tell myself there was nothing to worry about but this was hard seeing as cocaine was the only topic of conversation for weeks.
I didn’t think they would go through with it. Maybe they’d just throw it away? Wishful thinking. They were having a party at one of their houses with a few people. It was going to be that week, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I’m going to try and stay sober, I thought, just in case. We all went round saying “Tonight’s the night” and “Are you nervous?” All I thought of was “Don’t drink anything! You don’t want to mix drugs and alcohol the first time you try it.” But I didn’t say that either. I stayed quiet, feeling quite sick from the vodka I had drunk. They went into the bathroom to take it.
As we sat there waiting all I wanted to do was get so off my head that I wouldn’t care, but if I did there would be no one to help if something went wrong. I wanted to burst into the bathroom, scatter the stuff and give them both a good slap. The door flew open and hit the wall. They walked into the living room where we all held our breath “It’s f***ing fl our!” they shouted at the same time.
I let out a silent breath, making sure no one heard. It was done. No more. They were fine and well. After the disappointment of the ‘cocaine’ they wanted to add to the list of things they had tried: weed, poppers, alcohol, cigarettes, and flour. I thought they might be smoking weed before school because they became so relaxed and zoned out. Then they started talking about pills. I didn’t know what kind. I didn’t ask because I thought they might think I’m stupid.
I could already see it happening: the weed turned into cocaine, the cocaine turned into pills, and the pills would turn into something else. Over the next week I saw a change in them. Drugs were all they talked about.
They became distant and cold with me, even though I was their best friend, not drugs! They don’t tell me anything anymore, but I wish they would.