Life > Love from a distance

Posted on March 9, 2017

Tolga Kocaman describes his relationship with his partner across the sea

I can’t always hug my girlfriend when she cries. She feels alone and scared. I feel weak and helpless. I wish I could click my fingers and be by her side.

I have a long distance relationship. My girlfriend’s name is Beatriz (Bea for short). I live in England while she lives in Portugal so the time zones are the same, which makes it a bit easier for us to communicate with each other.

A friend introduced me to an online game called ‘League of Legends’. After a year of playing I joined a gaming group and that’s how I met Bea. We spoke to each other via Skype calls and grew closer over a few months. We often played till the early hours of the morning.

During the summer, Bea got a job so she we didn’t have as much time to play the game together.

For a while, we stopped speaking altogether, which upset me as I missed her. One day she randomly came back to the game and we started interacting again. This time our friendship felt more intense. It was clear that Bea had missed me too.

Over time we got to know each other really well, sharing our problems as well as telling each other stories that made us laugh. We took our friendship onto Facebook and started to speak until we fell asleep.

We sometimes get emotional, as we can’t see each other

We use to play the truth game on Skype where we had to ask each other funny questions, like “have you ever peed yourself?” or stupid things like that. But one day she asked, “Do you have a crush on anyone at the moment?” and I said, “Maybe. It might or might not be you.”

I asked her the same question. As I had liked her for a while now, I had always wanted to tell her but was scared. I thought that, if she were to say “no”, we would not be friends anymore. But she said, “Yes I do”.

Even though we said we liked each other, we didn’t become a couple yet.

One night she asked me, “Can you be my boyfriend?” I was excited and agreed. From there we entered into a long distance relationship. That night we went on webcam for the first time, which was scary for both of us, but it just made us bond more as we finally got to see each other.

We sometimes get emotional, as we can’t be together, which is hard when one of us gets upset.

So, our relationship is more difficult compared to couples who are in the same place, as they get to do things more easily, like going to the movies, going for a walk and seeing each other whenever they want to.

Long distance relationships just have Skype and Facebook, and couples have to make special arrangements if they want to see each other. We made plans to meet in February. I flew to Portugal to see her for the first time.

When I landed at Lisbon airport I couldn’t find her in the crowd at first but recognised two of her friends waving at me. I was confused. Where was Bea? I walked towards them. Suddenly, I felt someone hug and kiss me from the side. It was Bea. Bea’s dad drove us back to her village, Grandola.

We had a hotel room for ourselves, a little away from where her family lives so, every night, her dad would pick us up for dinner at her house, so her parents could get to know me.

Her parents also invited me to go sightseeing around Grandola. We visited nearby villages and beaches, which made me bond with her parents even more.

When we were alone Bea took me around her village but, because it rained a lot, we stayed in the hotel watching movies on her laptop most of the time.

When you meet someone for the first time it can feel awkward, but the second Bea and me locked eyes something in us clicked straight away.

Long distance relationships just have Skype and Facebook

Seeing each other on webcam and real life is different. Being together, we thought we would act different towards each other but the only difference was we loved each other even more. Now we don’t have to worry about whether we’re going to like each other in real life. It feels more relaxed as we’ve got past that stage.

We plan to continue with our long distance relationship. We have already set dates to meet each other again. Bea will come to England in April and December and I’ll go to Portugal in February and September next year.

Long distance relationships are based on trust and patience. So both partners have to be serious, prepared for what they both have to go through and plan what they both want for the future together.

So, before you start a long distance relationship you’ve got to know if you’re emotionally ready to be away from your other half, as there will be days where you feel lonely and depressed.

You’ll also need good self-esteem as some people think the other half will get bored or be unfaithful.

But no matter what, if you really love each other and work hard at your relationship, you can find a way to be together in the end.

Tolga Kocaman
Tolga studied creative media in college and now he wants to work in media production or the game industry, either as a game tester or designer.


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One Response to Love from a distance

  1. shakira393 March 17, 2017 at 10:51 am #

    I think that’s amazing! You and Bea seem to have a great relationship together,
    I also have some friends and pen-pals on the internet that I’d say would count the same as real life friends. We have the same interests and love talking together.

    However, I thought that falling in love was something different altogether- but it could be possible.


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