Exploring identities in Barnet and beyond
July 30, 2024
Photo by Anete Lusina at Pexels
Exposure Asks young people about their LGBTQ+ experiences
A recent report produced by Stonewall found that just 53% of Gen Z are exclusively straight, and 40% have a pattern of attraction that could be described as queer.
Through personal narratives and reflections, we aim to shed light on the multifaceted nature of identity and provide a platform for individuals to share their stories, support and resources.
As a teenager, attending Barnet, Southgate College, I grappled with my own identity journey. Coming out as non-binary marked a pivotal moment in my life. Especially at first, understanding and fully embracing my identity was fraught with challenges and self-doubt.
Recently though, I’ve found my ‘chosen family’ and feel valued and accepted by them, which has strengthened my resilience and brought me a sense of peace. Now, I’m eager to connect with others in the local young LGBTQ+ community, share experiences, and come together for support, advice and comfort. I reached out to Mai and other young people. Here are some highlights:
Mai, who courageously questioned their identity at a young age, recalls, “When I was just 13, I clicked on a quiz titled Sexuality Test. The quiz suggested I was bisexual, which rang true, but I mean, I’m attracted to transgender people? Does that make me pansexual or what? I was stuck in a maze of uncertainty, confused about who I was. I began to look deeper, analysing my feelings in a desperate attempt to find out who I really am.”
Lee, (17) talks about the importance of labels and the process of exploring different identities. Lee shares, “So, I first thought I was bisexual, right? Then I started seeing all these super specific terms online like demisexual, polygender, abrosexual and grey-asexual. It got me thinking. It’s not just like I have to be one thing or the another; I’m a whole mix of stuff. I’ve been mulling it over, and I realise my own identity isn’t just black and white. This is why the rainbow is such a slay symbol for LGBTQ+.”
There really is no such thing as being ‘normal’. There are so many elements that make up who we are. You’re as unique as I am.
Blake (16) talks about his journey, “Coming to terms with myself, identifying within the queer community, took some alone time to think things through, combined with some support from others. Things that helped me grasp a better understanding of what I am going through were YouTube videos, and articles written by people like me. I realised something I wished I’d known earlier, and some people today still don’t understand. There really is no such thing as being ‘normal’. There are so many elements that make up who we are. No two people can be the same. You are you. You’re as unique as I am.”
“From my own experience,” Ray (17) shares, “my family are Muslim, and I’m bi. I celebrate Ramadan and Eid, but some Muslim beliefs don’t sit right with me. Growing up, my family wasn’t cool with LGBTQ+ stuff, which made it tough for me to accept myself. I haven’t even told them I’m bi because they think it’s against God’s will. It’s hard enough when people think it’s just a phase or that we don’t exist. But it really hurts knowing my family are so against anything associated with the LGBTQ+ community, especially as it’s where I find calm and belonging.”
Alec T (17) shares his difficult times, “My mum isn’t educated on sexual orientations, so I had to explain what being queer meant. At the time, she was calm and said we should talk more, later. It didn’t seem to affect her to start with. Then, she started saying she wanted me to be ‘normal’. She wanted me to see a doctor. She told me I was going to hell. My mum is very religious. She loves me as her child but refuses to acknowledge me for who I am. It’s painful.”
The path towards self-discovery is not always straightforward. Some, like Sim, found solace in embracing the fluidity of their identity. Sim (18) shares, “Eventually, I stopped trying to untangle who I was attracted to, when, and to what degree. I chose to simply live as someone attracted to people and left it at that.”
Yet amidst the struggles and uncertainty, there is hope. As Ash (17) eloquently puts it, ‘Take it one step at a time, trust the process, and things will start making sense before you know it. Your journey is unique, and there’s no rush to figure it all out. Just know that you’re not alone, and you’ll find your way in your own time.”
Knowing I’d be supported, I came out as gay at 15. Regardless, being part of LGBTQ+ today is still incredibly challenging.
TJ (16) sheds light on the pervasive impact of heteronormativity on LGBTQ+ individuals and the challenges they face in navigating the expectations of society. TJ shares, “Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality is the default, preferred, or ‘normal’ mode of sexual orientation. It is the reason queer people feel they must ‘come out’, as we are all assumed to be straight unless we say otherwise.”
Many young people in Barnet share similar experiences. Take, for example, the story of Robin (17) who bravely questioned their identity. They reflect, “So much importance is put on coming out that people often forget there is far more to it than revealing a new aspect of yourself. It is important to celebrate who you are and your uniqueness. However, there needs to be less emphasis on how soon you come out, and more on how you will be accepted and how safe you feel.”
Despite the challenges, there are moments of acceptance and support. As another participant shares, “It was lucky for me that my family were so open and accepting of other people’s sexual orientations. Knowing I’d be supported, I came out as gay at 15. Being LGBTQ+ in today’s society is still incredibly difficult. Social stigma persists, leading to discrimination, prejudice and violence.”
Benji opens up: “I’ve had conflicting feelings about my gender identity since puberty. The first time I came out was to my sister. I started coming out at 14, and even now, years on, I still find myself explaining my gender identity and sexual orientation to people.”
And for many, finding community is essential in their journey. “Going clubbing, being part of the gay scene and feeling connected to the community gives me emotional support and love. I’m still developing an understanding of myself and who I actually am, and my friends help me explore that.” Kae W (18).
These stories from young people underscore the importance of acceptance, support and understanding, alongside the challenges of embracing diversity. We will amplify their voices, building an inclusive community where individuals from Barnet and beyond can live authentically, free from fear and discrimination.
* Some names have been changed to protect privacy.
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