True colours: my coming out story

Photograph by Pavel Danilyuk at Pexels

Caitlin Chan shares the joys of authenticity and acceptance

I came out to my mum and my close friends when I was 13. Whilst I know that may sound young, it was important to me to share my sexuality, an integral part of who I am, with my loved ones. I hated it when people around me would assume I definitely wanted to be with a man when I grew up.

Coming out to my friends was a simple task. As a generation that prides itself on authenticity, we actively encourage being true to ourselves. My mum has always been super supportive of me in all ways and I knew she wouldn’t react poorly. Her sister, my auntie, is a lesbian, and my mum has never judged her. Instead, she has always supported her unconditionally, showing that her love transcends all boundaries and prejudices.

This said, telling my mum I was into girls at 13 was still a daunting task for me. My fears of rejection and being vulnerable were overwhelming. In the end, I wrote her a heartfelt letter, nervously handed it to her and then bolted upstairs, my heart pounding with anxiety.

Her opinion means everything to me, so the thought of her reacting negatively was unbearable. But of course, she didn’t. We hugged, and she told me she loved me. In that moment, all my anxieties melted away. I felt an immense relief, lighter and liberated.

With heteronormativity deeply embedded in our culture, feeling ‘different’ can be unsettling

However, this journey wasn’t over. It took me years to come out to my dad. Despite how extremely close we are, I felt the exact same nerves I had experienced years earlier with my mum. It was like stepping back in time. We were in the car when he casually said, “If you are bisexual or gay, you can always tell me.” Hearing those words gave me the courage to finally reveal the truth I had been avoiding like the plague.

And yet again, getting it off my chest was the ultimate relief. I would say that telling my parents about this integral part of me was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Honesty is a big thing in my family and being genuine with them allowed me to express my real self. I also feel that my openness has taught my younger brother to be himself and that we will always love and accept him no matter who he grows up to be.

Coming to terms with my sexuality was a long journey. With heteronormativity deeply embedded in our culture, feeling ‘different’ can be unsettling. This is why, LGBTQ+ representation in the media is extremely important. Seeing people like me helped me to feel accepted and safer in being my true self.

Over time, I came to the realisation that figuring out your sexuality is a long process

As a child, I looked up to Elton John and David Furnish as role models. In recent years, the rise of queer couples on social media has provided a bigger community. TikTok influencers like Camile and Julie, and Callie and Deedee Davis have been particularly inspiring for me. Their visibility is heart-warming and has undoubtedly helped many others feel seen and accepted.

I struggled for years over labelling my sexuality. I felt as if staying unlabelled meant my sexuality wasn’t valid, but that labelling it would put me in a box that I couldn’t escape from. I also faced pressure from people around me. Questions like “Are you fully gay?” and “Do you like men and women?” were not only thought in my head but also asked outrightly to my face.

Over time, I came to the realisation that figuring out your sexuality is a long process. It is completely valid not to label yourself at first, or at all. It doesn’t make you any less whole. I identify as a lesbian because for me that feels right, and I feel proud to say it. For some, labels help to find a sense of belonging. For others, remaining unlabelled is what feels the most comfortable. Either way is completely valid and your own decision to make.