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A.P. recounts growing up the hard way
I’ve been through so much pain, but I didn’t
know that I was hurting.
All these bad decisions, because my vision
Lonely in my cell, but I can’t see it as a
burden, I just put it down too all the pain I’ve
given, now I’m deserving.
I blame it on myself, I guess I’m tired of
blaming you, unaccepting the truth was just
the easy thing to do.
And I know that cause you love me, you
always will forgive me. But I’ve worn out all
the chances that you gave me it’s a pity.
Alone with all the silence, sick and tired with
no virus. And my mind sets tired, always
rhyming bout my violence, n at the bottom
where my life is, you can see it in my eye
Just a bunch of little minors playing run outs
with the sirens.
Looking at these walls, thinking how I
played the fool, but you never value time
when you’re young and breaking rules.
Like I’m way too cool, 13 at school. And my
mother tried to show me, but I thought I
knew it all. Now I’m 18, looking back, d*m
that went fast. Feels like just the other day, I
was sitting in my class. Wasn’t thinking
about my future, now I’m writing about my
past. Never listen to the tutor, always came
in class last. Now I’m last place, at one point
d*m I was 1st. But I know it’s better than me
laying in a hearse!
Turn this pain to reverse, n all the ashes that
emerged, and when they hit me with the
bird, I thought this blessing was a curse. But
the one thing for real, make mistakes, you
better learn. The first time stings, but the
second time burns.
And the world still turns, whilst my case gets
adjourned. But you try n stay firm is the only
And my life had to change, cause it ain’t
about me. My sister writing letters, I can’t
Be real with yourself, cause your freedom
ain’t free. The long way n the sweat. The
short cut makes you bleed.
The hard head never hears, till they break
Think you see s**t clear, but the blind lead
When you step between tracks, better take
Little youngen on them steps, like I’m gonna
take what’s mine.
And that’s big facts, no cap. If I could I
would go back.
Used to show love, but love never got shown
Throwback, in n out flats with them old cats,
old racks, use to tell me I could make it if I
Winner, Care Leaver Category (15-18 years) in Voices 2022, the national creative writing competition for care-experienced young people on the theme ‘This is Me’. You can read all the shortlisted entries. This year’s competition was sponsored by Cadence Innova.